“Life is found…

“Life is found in the dance between your deepest desire and your greatest fear.”

-Tony Robbins

 

Seriously LOLing right now. Does that even make any sense? Totally thanking the gods for dodging something huge. Good night Honolulu. Keep being beautiful. 

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request from a girl

March 16, 2010 Leave a comment

“Another conversation… this time about girls having a problem with guys being that when they’re with other girls, they are undoubtedly doing the same thing and it means they don’t feel special.

I actually work in the opposite way, see players as having high value and feeling special when they choose to spend the time with me over other options. A “player” I have a friendship/relationship of sorts with (Ally for those that follow the blog) drives me up the wall. I hear from him sporadically and he blows hot and cold yet he continually wins me over. I know exactly what he’s like but whenever we’re together he charms the hell out of me and makes me feel really special.

But I’ve had loads of friends complain about players. Fair enough for guys like Ally  (I asked him outright though he thought it sounded great as all guys should have sex with lots of beautiful women and and by the way did I know I was beautiful?) that mess girls around but there are plenty of you guys that sound like perfectly respectful players. The phrase leave her better than you found her always comes to mind when I try to explain the concept to someone.

From what I read here, many of you seem more respectful towards women than most of the muppets I meet who commit horrendous crimes such as saying what they think I want to hear (I much prefer them to be upront), insisting on paying for everything even when I say it makes me uncomfortable (because I like to keep things equal) and acting as though I’m doing them a favour by spending time with them rather than because I want to (I mean how rude is that? I’m not a fucking prostitute!).

So I see no reason for women to distrust players since in my experience they are honest, equalitist (I dislike the term feminist) and above all are not grateful (*shudder*). But women, I’m afraid to say, tend to be monumentally and fundamentally stupid! Most so-called nice guys are actually deeply misogynistic largely due to the social conditioning that made them “nice”, whereas true players tend to really like women. That women distrust men that like women just seems daft to me.

But sometimes I feel like I’m fighting alone. A girlfriend actually said of the guys we were with on Friday night, “they’re really nice guys, none of them are going to hit on you.” And they were nice, very nervous of me and very eager to please (*yawn*). One just sent me a message via facebook where he actually apologised for sending the message. Lets just take a moment and think about how pathetic that is.

Anyway, I try to make my girlfriends less wary of the guys that are good with women and I tell them off whenever they say crap like “I don’t know, he just seemed a bit you know, smooth” (right yeah that makes sense, I love it when a guy gets all nervous and stares at my breasts too much).

Ultimately for me this has nothing to do with whether the player is building a “harem” or merely auditioning for a woman worthy of his majestic self. Women as a group need to understand that a guy that is connected to the community is not slimy or strange (that’s the chode in the corner that’s memorising the curve of her ass for when he goes home to wank away his frustrated little woes) but quite the opposite, he’s someone looking to be the best he can be and be with the best women. If this was more acknowledged then I think we’d see women actually wanting to be better.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Women as a rule are lazy! They have all these guys (ok maybe not the ugly girls ) running after them and they therefore don’t seek to improve themselves. This is why most of my friends are guys I want to be the best me I can be and live the best life I can. So few women take that on board (but I can “sell” it to the average guy in minutes). If more women worked on themselves the way that so many men have to, we’d see less nice guys because more women would give guys a chance, realising quite rightly that being approached IS A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. Furthermore, if women saw players in a positive light they’d encourage more guys to be honest, equalitist and not dripping with gratitude which would see happier women.

I’m ranting, I’m aware so I’ll try to get to my point. Which is a request. Whenever you hear a woman (friend, sister, girl in club) comment about a guy being smooth or being a player, pick her up on it. Say outright that we are all motivated by similar things and the only difference between a player and a “nice” guy is that the “nice” guy is lying to you. If they say that they don’t feel special then tell them to be more special! Improve yourself so that he finds you so captivating that he evaluates whether he wants to be with anyone else. Surely it is better to become a fantastic person and win the heart of a fantastic person than to bitch about it and settle for a grateful chode who you know will never give you the peel-you-off-the-ceiling orgasms you crave.

If you could do that and help me out I’d be ever so grateful ;)”

-posted by a girl

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price of nice

March 10, 2010 1 comment

All things are moderation… including moderation. Monotony sucks. You know this either by pleasure or pain. If the latter, then it was a real wake up call andmaybe you lost a relationship because of it.

NICE is BORING. That doesn’t mean being the bad boy is the only way to go. Yet, when we act nice a hot girl used to being approached constantly may well hit defcon 1, “What does this guy want from me?”

And in response to the bad boy she realizes that he doesn’t need anything. Allow me to elaborate. Consider that the nice guy is one that may have hurt her in the past. Some oaf, playing the nice guy could have played her… and now she’s on guard. So many have observed how the bad boy thing works.

Nice too often means dull. Naughty is at the very least, interesting.

Here’s a few principles to think about when you’re in a relationship.

In a relationship, sure, you’re going to show love and there are five ways of showing love.

Saying it is one of the weakest if you’re saying it all the time.

Doing caring things.

Giving gifts “Here, I brought you a squirrel.”

Saying it.

Um… spraying it.

I’ve forgotten the fifth one… shit.

Show that love day and night sure, make efforts in the relationship that bring you both happiness, but have enough space from each other that your beloved can feel the loss of you each day. When you’re giving your girl attention it should be like the sun is shining in her face… not out of her ass and when you take that beautiful energy away from her, you enhance it even more.

What is a night without the day? Cold… the sun also rises. What is a nice day for 9 months like in the arctic circle? Boring and dreadful on the eyes. NICE? Pfftt. Always remember, dark clouds make sunbeams.

Do nice things sure but master their absence and work on push pull theory within the frame of relationship. Forget Nice.

Here’s a simple equation, hope + doubt = passion.

If you give a girl the impression you’re going to be around forever you’ll run the risk of boring the pants off her instead of taking her pants off. Scarcity increases value.

When your time is limited it becomes all the more special for each moment they have the prize of you in sight. You keep her wanting for more because she fears the prospect of you leaving… RELATIONSHIPS ARE NO DIFFERENT! Scarcity = Value. Give the gift of missing you.

Be romantic, be adventurous, you can FLIRT with your girlfriend you know? Be playful, be naughty, be yourself, that’s sexy, but don’t even get near NICE. You fullfil her needs, emotional security, physical hungers, thirsts… you feed her, you cook for her, you love her.

Nice, predictable, regular…*YAWN* average… usual… *ZZZZ* normal.

VS

Passionate! Unpredictable… Boo! Extraordinary! Exciting! Unusual, Natural…

Live each of your days with passion. Keep her guessing, keep her wanting. Keep taking away. Keep surprising her. Exceed your own expectations and accept that your best is good enough. Have her invest in you at least as much as you invest in her… we become part of what we invest in. So garner this principle and reap the rewards.

Being nice could cost you in the end. Think about it. 😉

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cupid is just a really ugly girl

February 4, 2010 Leave a comment

Good day motherfunkers! Did you miss me? Before we start, SMILE. Smile because I’ve possessed your computer and I’m currently having intercourse with your thumbs… okay that’s not true and it’s kind of gay, so, on with my rant.

What’s so good you ask?? i just had a bowl of purple vomit with berries and granola. It was fan-funking-tastic! Shit, onwards with my rant again. Curse you ADD!

As valentines day rolls around, I’ve had many a people ask me what my plans are. I tell them nothing. I may go out, grab food, and proceed to stuff my fat face, which is getting less fatter,  i might add thank you.

It has been said by some that my openness and honesty about certain subjects is disarming. The word that comes to mind is harlequin. One of the meanings is many colored. This is how we should be. As humans, we are all multi-colored and have many different sides of us.

All actions are of self definition. And all acts are based on what we believe. There are some actions that are not taken, that we would like to take, due to limiting beliefs that we impose on ourselves. Beliefs are like stained glass windows. Many facets and colors, but it is the light on the other side of the window that makes it possible to shine.

People sometimes spend so long looking out from within, that they forgo the within and go without. The only bind in life that concerns me is one that unites us. In this sense we are the light to each other and enlightenment is what life is all about.

So much to say, so much to write. So much skim reading. Take your time.

The only time is now. And here I want to address and share with you something that has been very useful to me.

In battle, the best outcome is to reach a positive outcome without ever lifting a sword. There is no battle between us and definitely none between men and women. Hold that belief. Life will reciprocate your beliefs of it.

The way I view the world is one in which I open up to people with no attachment to outcome and no agenda. This harmlessness is the reason my honesty is so disarming.

It’s also about forcing no opinion, in turn allowing anyone in your presence to form their own from the very first moment they perceive you. There is no such thing as a cold approach. Only warm ones.

What is this being disarming? Opening and being open you may ask?

It’s breaking unseen barriers and opening hearts, broken or not. There’s both nothing to it and also everything to it.

My interpretation of disarming comes from two different concepts.

The first is giving no reason at anytime to any one to be “armed”. The best way I can describe this is, as not giving away or having an agenda or any apparent ulterior motive during an interaction with someone else.

The second is the to possess the trait of harmlessness which can be demonstrated by persistent honesty, openness, and awareness. All of these can be woven together through thoughts, words, and actions.

The point at which we decide to trust people is usually when there is no evidence detected that we are untrustworthy and we have enough reinforcement of trust through evidence such as recommendation from people we already trust and trust us in return. True trust in relationships need never be spoken of. We lower our shields to the people we choose to trust. More accurately, we decide not to put them up in the first place.

Fear is what forces us to put up shields in the first place.

I say abandon all fear. Embrace love and embody love. There are no power struggles between people. You only perceive that there is one.

All fear is fear of death and that is not to be feared. Some fear is very useful though. Positive for us. Fight or flight. A survival mechanism.

But fear that you have created, this is entirely dependent on you believing it. All the beliefs you hold define you.

Abandon your fear.

Some people will be intimidated when you offer to gift them your value without condition. Some people will even fear you for offering your time and your help. They may suspect you. They may have allowed someone into their life before that ended up hurting them, playing them, or utilizing them.

You should communicate without words that you are not that person. Most communication between us physically is entirely non-verbal. After all caution is the right for anyone who has known pain.

Be aware that disarming does not mean benign. Being disarming is anything but unreactive. What you get is a series of subtle reactions which are advantageous and recommended to all lovers, pirates & ninjas alike.

You will find treasure in everyone. Sometimes we have to dig deeper & it’s there. Whether you find treasure or not, give your able values to anyone you like. Put rabbits into hats, and pull them back out. We are not trading here, there’s no value taking… don’t be trading or be-trade. It’s a betrayal. It’s all for the giving, and that is disarming. This is not the truth, merely my own harmless truth.

Any questions?

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the game of being in love

February 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Love is born of trust, joy, shared experiences, the intertwining of the senses as you wrap your lives around each other. It is a reward from the mind and soul. Welcome your feelings for a another person. We are affectionate beings.

Love is born of life as fire is born of fire. Life is freedom, as is love and we all love the freedom in this life. Yet here we must realize that love cannot be contained. Love cannot be restricted. Try and do so and it will break free, for love is life itself. Nor can you contain yourself. When you try to restrict anothers love, you restrict their life, and their spirit will not allow such an oppression. The mental body, feeling the strain from the emotional body, discards the physical body’s connection to the oppressing body.

This is why so many relationships fail, and why so many marriages are lost, vows broken. Marriage, the way so many have constructed is a statement of fear rather than a public declaration of love. When you marry someone so only you may HAVE them, you have lost the point in union.

Your allowance of love may often seem premature. You attach to the energy of this new feeling and long to hang onto it. This is understandable. Don’t worry. There is no transgression here. Yet you must LET GO. Khalil Gibran, one of my favourite lives said;
“If you love someone, let them go, for if they return they are yours always, and if they do not, then they never truly were.”

There are 3 billion women in the world. I hate to break it to you; there is no such thing as The One.
There are only THE ONES YOU LOVE. And love is unlimited.

So understand this. Enjoy your time, let them want you. Never smother them. Enjoy love and be understanding. When you have them, rock their world. If love finds you both and stays with you, so be it. Do not complain. Just know that love is freedom. Do not fight freedom. Fight only for it. Love is the only thing worth fighting for. The love of freedom, the love of life and loved ones. You need not love to fight, nor do you need to fight for love. Love finds you with and without struggle. There are as many ways to love as there are breaths in the human heart.

Winning is the only outcome of playing this life at all.
It is impossible to LOSE. We are all winners in the end… this is because there is no end at all. Only changes in form.

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musing of phillip

January 29, 2010 2 comments

so lately my brain has been scattered all over the place and i really hate that. so what did i do to remedy it? i bought a happy meal. i said f-you diet and had a cheeseburger with a chocolate milk. it was the most awesome meal i have had in a while. and i was happy.

why did this make me happy? i have no idea. all it was, was dead cow and some brown liquid. i think the real reason though, was because it made me feel like a little kid. no worries about anything. just me my happy meal and my car. it was awesome.

we tend to live our lives in past where nothing matters anymore. the past is the past and there’s nothing that we can do to change it.  lately i’ve been catching myself dwelling over a specific event that happened a year ago. now there’s nothing i can do to change what happened, but i still think about it from time to time. what does that get me? nothing. as humans, we tend to over complicate things. life in actuality is really simple and should be awesome for everyone. i know it is for me.

moral of his post: stop living in the past or future. just focus on the present and everything will fall into place 🙂

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awkward turtle

January 4, 2010 1 comment

So a few nights ago, a few friends and I were talking about relationship management.

The real key to maintaining a good relationship really, is synergy. Synergy is when two sources of energy combine to create an energy that is greater than the sum of the individual parts.

There are four levels at which people can coexist: Dependence, Independence, Co-dependence, and Interdependence.

Dependence is when you rely completely on another person for survival. The best example here is the parent-child relationship. 1+0=1 (Energy)

Independence is when you rely completely on yourself for survival. The ultimate example here is Tom Hanks in Castaway. But apply that self-sustainance to life in society. You take care of you. 1+1=2 (Energy added.)

Co-Dependence is when two people rely on each other to survive. One cannot live without the other. Each provides something the other is missing. 1+1=1.5 (Negative synergy/energy divided.)

Inter-Dependence is when two people rely on each other to thrive. The can survive on their own, effectively independent. But they form a bond and the synergy created allows them to achieve more than what they could on their own. 1+1=3 (Synergy/energy multiplied.)

The funny thing is, most people spend their early lives being Dependent. They lack a complete, mature sense of self. They are missing something. They eventually meet someone else who shares these characteristics. The two develop feelings for one another and !POOF! we call it love. Opposites attract, yin-yang, “you complete me.”

But guess what? These two people are really Co-Dependent. What seems like real happiness is really just a transient state. Why? Because two people who fit together like puzzle pieces, who compensate for each other’s shortcomings, are bound to change.

As a relationship grows and one finds fulfillment in other areas of their life, they’ll begin to notice themselves changing. Over time the missing pieces will fill from life experience.

However many years down the road, each person has changed and grown. They look at one another and decide, “You’re just not the person I fell in love with.” They’re right. As people change and grow, the holes in their lives fill and form new holes. Each person while they may care for the other, no longer gets fulfillment from them. The puzzle pieces no longer fit. “We’ve just grown apart.”

What”s really sad is that neither person is at fault. There were probably intense feelings at first, and maybe long after. But they fall out of love, not because the other person changed, but because their needs have changed.

They were in love with what the other was, not who the other was. Co-Dependence is tragic, because people leave one relationship and immediately search for a new person that will fit their new self. Thus, the cycle repeats. What’s even more sad is that this type of relationship is what we expect. It’s what Hollywood sells us. It’s what popular music is written about. “I need you.” “I can’t live without you.” “You complete me.”

Then there is that rare relationship. You’ve seen these people, though seldomly believe it when you do. These people are completely content. They may not live in the best of circumstances, but they appear to be truly happy.

These people are Interdependent. Each partner can survive on their own. Each was happy on their own. They weren’t even looking for love when they found each other. But somehow, when they met they knew. They probably weren’t each other’s type. The circumstance in their lives probably didn’t fit well. But they understood each other and somehow it worked.

Over the years, these people change and grow, almost continuously. Yet because the relationship was founded on the attraction between two independent people, two people who didn’t need each other to feel complete, they grow together. It doesn’t matter that they change, because it’s who they are that counts. They respect each other as a whole person and don’t count on one another for survival. And so, Interdependent relationships thrive, rather than just survive.

Another interesting and rare phenomena is that occasionally, under the rarest of circumstances, two people can go from Co-dependent to Interdependent together. But this happens so rarely, that it is often better to cut loose and grow on your own. When it does happen, it’s because both people mature togther and achieve an Independence together. They somehow learn to be complete people while staying in a relationship. But again, this is the exception to the rule, and not worth betting your life on.

To keep a good relationship going, always make sure that there is synergy. Keep the energy flowing and the output greater than the sum of the parts. The day-to-day details matter very little when every day you’re a better person than the day before.

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